Finance

If you are a trader, don’t take Amit Shah seriously.

“Your dream job is waiting for you, what are you waiting for?” ever heard this?

Amit Shah before the election results made a claim to buy stocks before June 4 to see massive trading profits.

The exit poll predictions also predicted that NDA (National…. Wait, you should know this come on) could win 400 seats which caused the SENSEX to surge.

Traders in Indian markets trusted a guy who probably would google “SENSEX meaning in Hindi” if he ever reads this article.

End result, when official numbers came out on June 4, BSE Sensex plunged over 6,000 points to 70,300, while the Nifty50 fell below 21,884, ending at 21,884.50. This sharp decline resulted in a market capitalization drop of Rs 45.56 lakh crore to 380 lakh crore, leading to significant investor losses.

 Rahul Gandhi called this out and blamed Modi and Amit Shah etc etc.

Rahul is like the cute kid in school, extremely jealous of everyone, bitches about his friends to the teacher whenever he gets a chance  and the only reason you ever want to talk to him is because he is cute.

Education

NEET Paper leak:

The NEET results have sparked a big controversy after the results came out this year.

24 lakh candidates appeared for this exam, out of which 67 got an ALL-India Rank of 99.99%.

The first thing we thought us Indians would feel was a sense of pride. But however, it was quite the opposite. The news broke out with exceptional results and people alleged that the question paper had been leaked along with various other allegations.

Some students even got more marks than the total allotted marks of 720, where NEET stepped in and clarified that this was due to grace marking. And here we thought you were given grace marks to just hit the passing numbers.

Also, what is the point of giving grace marks to toppers?

“3 students who failed, have committed suicide with statistical data showing more are on the way.”

This line is not ours, but from a popular news page. It’s amusing to see how we can even anticipate suicides instead of taking measures to prevent it. This is the India we live in.

Technology

Job Layoffs: A new trend

Job layoffs have become so common that its not even news anymore. Its just numbers about thousands of people just getting fired.

Over 1,400 tech industry jobs lost in the first week of June. The wave of layoffs in the tech industry shows no signs of abating as June begins. Despite mass layoffs in 2023, job cuts have persisted this year, with the second quarter witnessing significant job reductions-21,473 in April and 9,742 in May.

However, the trend seems to be worsening again, as the first week of June has already seen over 1,400 job losses. Major companies like Microsoft and Google have started the month with fresh rounds of layoffs, citing ongoing restructuring and strategic shifts within the tech sector.

Sports

Sunil Chhetri and Football

Sunil Chhetri, captain of the Men’s football team recently announced his retirement from international football. A legend, who brought back the craze for football all over India. This was much needed, because football was restricted to Kolkata.

19 years, 94 goals and the 4^th highest scorer in international football, Sunil Chhetri is retiring as a legend.  

Business
Astro talk: A startup making money through superstitions:

You must have seen ads from Astro talk, Arjun Kapoor and other known people promoting this app as the tinder for astrologers.

Not kidding, it really is, you check their ID’s on the app, check out their fake achievements, and boom, here is a random guy from Bihar telling you when your ex will come back to you.

This app has gained popularity recently by raising a lot of funds for expansion. It recently raised an additional 78 crores from capital ventures.

Imagine how Rajkumar Hirani and Amir Khan feel right now, they made a movie worth hundreds of crores (PK) to educate people to come to their senses and believe in ourselves. And what do we do?

“Panditji Riya kab vapas ayegi?”

Panditji be like, “Buy premium first”.

Also, Ram Rahim is on the app.

Savdhan rahe, satark rahe.

Dad Jokes:

I had a fish once who could break-dance!

But, only for 20 seconds.

And,

Only once, XO

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