Finance

Your dream job pays 186 crores annually:

“Your dream job is waiting for you, what are you waiting for?” ever heard this?

I used to rather find this strange, with all the drama about how boring the 9-5 lifestyle is, we tend to forget it’s kind of necessary as well. However, no one should have dream about working a “job”. The dream is financial freedom, the dream is to travel whenever and wherever you want, the dream is to make mum proud (you did wish her on Mother’s day right?). But, who cares what I thought? This news article blew my “main udna chahta hu, girna chahta hu, bus rukna nahi chahta” theory out of the water.

 Cognizant, the world’s leading IT firm (yes it’s the same company who did not even invite you for the interview round)  just revealed its CEO’s salary.

Ravi Kumar Singisetti, topped the list of highest paid CEO’s in India in the IT sector, receiving a salary of 186 crores. Most of this came from the shares he held valued at 169.1 crores.

So I guess, this is the dream job people used to talk about. The whole financial freedom is the dream and traveling is the dream  stuff I spoke about earlier, I will just quote Arjun from ZNMD on my feelings right now, “Agar bank mein 186 crores ho, toh entertainment ke liye biwi ki kya zaruat hai”.

Education

CBSE and ICSE will not announce toppers list anymore:

I am pretty disappointed, one of my favourite lines was from our Zakir bhai to toppers, “tum bhi yahi ho, hum bhi yahi hai”. I have personally used this line to my school topper nerds almost every time I spot them doing a normal human activity.

However, CISCE decided to discontinue merit lists for class 10 and 12 board exams, with a focus on individual growth over competition and a more comprehensive education system.

In short, these guys finally took Rancho’s advice from 3 Idiots seriously. Took them just 15 years, but they finally did.

Also glad those “sharma ji ka beta top kiya hai” lines from our parents will probably stop.

Right? :/ 

Technology

Apple’s new touch screen MAC:

Apple may finally launch a touch screen MAC in 2025. This is due to the pressure from its competitors who apparently have introduced touch screen laptops almost a decade ago. Apple finally realized that people may stop buying a Macbook for flexing reasons and actually start comparing and realizing that any other laptop without a half-eaten apple at the back works better.

Apple is like the cool kid in college, extremely rich, always flexing and basically  being the same person every year with a cute daddy  (Tim Cook) to tell you how different he is from last year.

Also, we will update you about the new touch screen MAC when it’s launched, or you can probably know they have arrived  the next time you go to a Starbucks.  

Sports

Competing SOLO with the Best in the World:

This article is about a game I wish I played in real life than just on my phone, CHESS. According to statistical reports (not verified, just a cool way of saying this is just our opinion) the guys like Chess because our favourite Andrew Tate glorifies it, at least we get the illusion that we are smart.

And girls, well they still don’t. Virat Kohli plays cricket and not chess.

Indian chess grandmaster, an 18-year-old Praggnanandhaa beat the World Champion Magnus Carlsen in rapid chess, a part of the Grand Chess Tournament.

You may or may not have previously heard about this because there are obvious signs why the media would not cover it:

· MS Dhoni is not in the picture.

· No beautiful girls in the stadium the cameraman can focus on.

· Zero controversy.

· Most important, you cannot put Modi’s face on the win, because thankfully even he knows you need to be smart to win in Chess, hence it just would not resonate with Modi ji’s image.

Quick Side Note: Please don’t put efforts in finding out where we live to sue us Modi Ji, we are not AIB. Also, Dhruv Rathee paid us to say this.

Personal Growth

Love: Don’t mess with it!

Elections are just over, what a relief from all the non-stop bhajans on the road and the long drama of fake promises surrounding us is finally over. Lots of campaigns were made by these electoral parties for “bharat swachhta”, one of which was a rather weird one:

BJP MLA Rikesh Sen, shut down all OYO operated regions in Vaishali Nagar region of Chhattisgarh. And what happened next, was the true definition of love.

A couple’s video emerged seemingly making out and kissing on the balcony of this MLA, and when questioned, it turned out they had a pretty solid reason, “where else would we go?”.  Mic-drop moment.

Pretty balsy and what a story to tell your kids about.

Update- Yes they are in jail, the MLA has somehow managed to turn the guy Muslim and accuse him of manipulating the girl and……

NO,

We don’t have the link for the video :/

Dad Jokes:

So recently we started a nightclub for men with erectile dysfunction!

It was a total flop,

Nobody CAME.

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